I was watching Dr. Phil yesterday whose topic was the single mom who left her 2 kids in the car while she went to a much needed job interview.....I was realizing that everyone was judging her by an "assumed" set of standards that astonished me. They explained that when the police took her "mug shot" (displayed on the show) that her face was a river of tears. She spent 11 days in prison and then faced innumerable fines and charges for lawyers, court bills, etc. One woman who had her heart stirred by the picture and the story, started an online fundraising campaign and raised over $100,000.00. As this mom was completely overwhelmed by others generosity, she started to secure her and her children's life with rent, paying off debt and bills and clothing. People said they started to see her wear "designer clothing", buying an x-box system for the kids, funding her brother's rapping cd...and started complaining, which got into the media. Horror of horrors, she refused to put away $60,000.00 in a fund for the kids for college that would clear her name with the law and with society. Now she was on Dr. Phil.
It was disappointing to see Dr. Phil and others deride her for the choice she made in spending the donations that were raised by this compassionate woman, to survive the courts and onslaught of bills because of it. My thoughts went to how alot of people view the poor; that they are moochers, cannot use their money wisely, will always need a case worker to make it through and "if you don't put away for your kids college or university degree", you are shamed and debased. I feel she must have gone away from that show more harmed then helped, judged and "jailed" by public opinon and false standards. Jesus so astonishingly declares a better way....(read Sermon on the Mount).
Nearing the end of the show, Dr. Phil said, "why didn't you do it, at least to clear your name, now you are a felon! ". She lifted her head and looked straight at his face as she said, "Felons can get jobs and raise their kids too you know!" She's right, many people who have records do and can find jobs and lovingly raise their families...it's harder and messy, but possible. It's society job to adjust their attitudes and standards, welcome the broken into their midst to help and nurture, not judge and decry and control.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Easter Eve
"It's over now
And we are lost
In a desert without tears
Guess it wasn't what we thought
Wish we could turn back the years
but there's no way out of here
There's no way out of here
There's no way out of here
It's over now
So say good-bye
But our mouths can't shape the words
Shut your doors
Don't even try
'cause no matter what you've heard
There's no way out of here
Come back
Please come back
Wake up
Please wake up
'cause there is no way out of here"
sung by Steve Bell and Larry Campbell on Good Friday service, St. Benedict's Table
It was the last song of the hour long story telling service, we heard about Peter, John, and Mary...their struggles to comprehend what was happening to Jesus, the healer, the Messiah. With the kind of week I had, I was struggling too, I didn't think I could bear one more story of heart ache and injustice. The last song was mournful, and expressed exactly what I felt....there is no way out of the death and emptiness in my soul and now I have to sit with this for the weekend, until Sunday....I really want to feel more hopeful with the story of the Resurrection. What ever happens tomorrow, I realize that work/school/issues and conflict will still exist on Monday. Lord, grant my soul resurrection in all things good, that I can continue to live, work and speak out your Kingdom in all the days I have left.
come back, please come back.
And we are lost
In a desert without tears
Guess it wasn't what we thought
Wish we could turn back the years
but there's no way out of here
There's no way out of here
There's no way out of here
It's over now
So say good-bye
But our mouths can't shape the words
Shut your doors
Don't even try
'cause no matter what you've heard
There's no way out of here
Come back
Please come back
Wake up
Please wake up
'cause there is no way out of here"
sung by Steve Bell and Larry Campbell on Good Friday service, St. Benedict's Table
It was the last song of the hour long story telling service, we heard about Peter, John, and Mary...their struggles to comprehend what was happening to Jesus, the healer, the Messiah. With the kind of week I had, I was struggling too, I didn't think I could bear one more story of heart ache and injustice. The last song was mournful, and expressed exactly what I felt....there is no way out of the death and emptiness in my soul and now I have to sit with this for the weekend, until Sunday....I really want to feel more hopeful with the story of the Resurrection. What ever happens tomorrow, I realize that work/school/issues and conflict will still exist on Monday. Lord, grant my soul resurrection in all things good, that I can continue to live, work and speak out your Kingdom in all the days I have left.
come back, please come back.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Monday Musings on Land, Bison, and Christianity
This Sunday night, my friend and "soul-sister" and aboriginal elder Melody McKeller told us some of her story, of being separated at birth from her twin sister (whom the doctor said was mentally retarded but she wasn't), being fostered out to a loving white family and her journey towards reconciling to both her birth family and the land and culture of her ancestors. She said that right now, with a herd of bison and over a hundred acres of land of forest, pasture and seeded field, they are working out a dream of theirs to honor the Creator with restoration. Restoration of the field from chemicals, restoring the bison to the land, and plants, medicinal and natural. She said it's not easy, especially in winter"do we put up drywall in our fixer upper house or feed the bison"? In order to get crop insurance, they need to spread chemical. But they won't, so if its a bad crop (for bison feed), they suck it up (her words not mine!).
Now for most of us, we don't care about all that...well maybe we'll use ecologically ok toliet cleaner, but to go the distance for a planet in crisis? Um, nope....that would mean too much, in fact, it's eccentric! I'll watch the shows of families going "off grid" and see their sad faces in the rain, trying for the hundreth time to roll that log up the hill that they will use for their cabin in the woods. But I'll stay within my comfortable 4 walls with Internet, plumbing, electricity and SuperStore....thanks!
So why do I feel her story, message, life striving for the best for the planet (and people...she works at Selkirk Mental Hospital) is urgent and important? She is not a striving, bitter person, she is open about her weaknesses and dilemmas. She prays, gives, goes into the hard places with a light she barely knows herself that she radiates. I work and live with broken people, that live on land that is pressed by concrete, buildings and thousands of cars and trucks. This land of Winnipeg is broken too. Garbage, dirt, salt, gravel...manicured lawns and flowers, gardens...pull out trees to replace it with other trees and shrubs of our liking. Create hills, parks, where we want them, pollute the river and wonder how to clean it. This was treaty land, a long time ago. Cared for, hunted on, for hundreds of years.
So my musings are trying to connect with this reality. Doesn't Christ want peace both for the human soul and for the land we live and work on? Won't this all be restored one day, both soul, body and earth? Is this important? The Kingdom coming now is Christ's vision to restore all to rightness...not us getting to heaven plunking on harps and chatting to Uncle Bob who made it there too, but earth and heaven, all this creation coming to fullness and peace. No more broken people, no more broken land and extinct animals, fish, birds.
This is why I think this lady needs to challenge more of us duped "Western-gotta-make-money-and-look-out-for-number-one" thinkers. Or Christians that think "Just get 'em saved!" Land doesn't equal money, bison doesn't equal thousands of dollars of meat on the hoof for the specialty restaurants. Our air needs to be clean, rivers flowing free of what we throw into it. Christians especially need to realize the urgency to engage personally in all these issues, hands on, up front. What are we going to do to make things right, running along beside the Creator in his hopeful and all encompassing loving vision of restoration?
Now for most of us, we don't care about all that...well maybe we'll use ecologically ok toliet cleaner, but to go the distance for a planet in crisis? Um, nope....that would mean too much, in fact, it's eccentric! I'll watch the shows of families going "off grid" and see their sad faces in the rain, trying for the hundreth time to roll that log up the hill that they will use for their cabin in the woods. But I'll stay within my comfortable 4 walls with Internet, plumbing, electricity and SuperStore....thanks!
So why do I feel her story, message, life striving for the best for the planet (and people...she works at Selkirk Mental Hospital) is urgent and important? She is not a striving, bitter person, she is open about her weaknesses and dilemmas. She prays, gives, goes into the hard places with a light she barely knows herself that she radiates. I work and live with broken people, that live on land that is pressed by concrete, buildings and thousands of cars and trucks. This land of Winnipeg is broken too. Garbage, dirt, salt, gravel...manicured lawns and flowers, gardens...pull out trees to replace it with other trees and shrubs of our liking. Create hills, parks, where we want them, pollute the river and wonder how to clean it. This was treaty land, a long time ago. Cared for, hunted on, for hundreds of years.
So my musings are trying to connect with this reality. Doesn't Christ want peace both for the human soul and for the land we live and work on? Won't this all be restored one day, both soul, body and earth? Is this important? The Kingdom coming now is Christ's vision to restore all to rightness...not us getting to heaven plunking on harps and chatting to Uncle Bob who made it there too, but earth and heaven, all this creation coming to fullness and peace. No more broken people, no more broken land and extinct animals, fish, birds.
This is why I think this lady needs to challenge more of us duped "Western-gotta-make-money-and-look-out-for-number-one" thinkers. Or Christians that think "Just get 'em saved!" Land doesn't equal money, bison doesn't equal thousands of dollars of meat on the hoof for the specialty restaurants. Our air needs to be clean, rivers flowing free of what we throw into it. Christians especially need to realize the urgency to engage personally in all these issues, hands on, up front. What are we going to do to make things right, running along beside the Creator in his hopeful and all encompassing loving vision of restoration?
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Clarence and Wall-Bashing
I can't believe its a third day of writing in my blog, last year I only wrote two entry's...what is it about this week? After re-reading my recent blog called "Unless a Seed Dies", at the last couple of sentences, my mind began to whirl, remembering yesterday afternoon. My office is in an small inner city church building, the tenants that know me, know where I am most days and if they want to chat or have a problem, they know where to come. As Housing Resource Coordinator for 3 project areas, there are alot of suites/tenants that need help with bed bug issues, arrears, hoarding or just trying to understand "the system" and its many requirements and loads of paperwork to stay housed.
I was at the table with a young man on the verge of eviction because he didn't know he had to get in forms for a subsidy for his rent, his late charge were growing. He came in excited because his E.I. budget letter came in...step one...we have about 6 more steps to go. I.D., Heatlth Card, tax info., wow....all that needed to get accomplished. Here's a guy who spends 70% of his time in bed, 20% finding and doing mild drugs, and 10% playing video games. Who knows when he eats, goes to the bathroom, or actually goes outside? Yipes. Anyways, we are talking baby steps here.
So I'm getting up, to Google the MB Health number for Stan and then in walks a guy who looks familiar. Teen Challenge? Woody's House? Couldn't place him, but he has a hungry,desperate look and bee-lines for the pastors office. Ok, I thought, I'll let the pastor take care of it. I went about my business, while eyeing Stan, hoping he wasn't going to leave from the boring process of paperwork and the other eye on the new guy, waving papers around and explaining something to the pastor. What is it about paper work?? I hate it too, so much red tape to get people some help and then wait, wait, wait, while debt grows, emotional havoc is played out and hope dies.
Stan is taken care of, and he leaves, the pastor comes over with the new guy and says, maybe you can help him? I nod, (like I know what I'm doing, but I don't) and it suddenly dawns on me that this guy was slated for evicition, claiming that he paid his $1600 rent bill but actually didn't. His name is Clarence, I remembered him peeking out of his door way many months ago, eyes dark, to take the envelope I was handing him...a demand for payment or eviction. We didn't talk, but he looked trapped, alone and hunted. Now he was here, waving papers for a court date that my company set up to justify eviction, and asking if we had any food. He was so hungry on so many levels. I looked up, seemed like the pastor disappeared..."Thank GOD!", he was probably thinking. What a wild coincidence that he came in now, not knowing this was my office...he wanted and needed help. The main thing he wanted is food, I searched the church cupboards and they were bare. I assured him that I knew where he lived, that I'd drop off something later for him...his medicated eyes stared at me for a moment, and he held out his huge hand and said thank you. What does a disciple do, I wondered, sit that "Greek" down and say wait here (show whose boss), consult with pastor, phone a food bank, (protocol) and love bomb that guy with another paper with a phone number of somewhere he could go to tomorrow to have a soup and sandwich..."now don't get in trouble!"
I'm saying this because I've done that before, many pastors and well meaning Christians do this all the time, if they happen to be in that space with a truely hungry, medicated, inner city type person. Clarence left with a promise that I'd be by later with something. Remembering the seed dying part of the Scripture, I later hefted a back pack of Zoodles, instant noodles, smokies, soup and carrots..grabbed my house keys and dog and went into the wierd cold rainy weather of Winnipeg. Yuck, just go, you promised. He doesn't live far, I rang his door bell and he came down in his sweats and hairy chest and a half smile...I handed him the soup, he said thanks and made to go up stairs...wait, there's more! Feeling like Santa, I kept handing him bags and cans and packages...what a blast! For one moment and for many more after, I felt like I had bashed through the barrier. That wall that we love bomb over and hope that somebody is helped, or feels like coming to church because of it. I bashed through, and stepped out into the muddy, rainy evening as if nothing happened. And as if Everything had happened
I was at the table with a young man on the verge of eviction because he didn't know he had to get in forms for a subsidy for his rent, his late charge were growing. He came in excited because his E.I. budget letter came in...step one...we have about 6 more steps to go. I.D., Heatlth Card, tax info., wow....all that needed to get accomplished. Here's a guy who spends 70% of his time in bed, 20% finding and doing mild drugs, and 10% playing video games. Who knows when he eats, goes to the bathroom, or actually goes outside? Yipes. Anyways, we are talking baby steps here.
So I'm getting up, to Google the MB Health number for Stan and then in walks a guy who looks familiar. Teen Challenge? Woody's House? Couldn't place him, but he has a hungry,desperate look and bee-lines for the pastors office. Ok, I thought, I'll let the pastor take care of it. I went about my business, while eyeing Stan, hoping he wasn't going to leave from the boring process of paperwork and the other eye on the new guy, waving papers around and explaining something to the pastor. What is it about paper work?? I hate it too, so much red tape to get people some help and then wait, wait, wait, while debt grows, emotional havoc is played out and hope dies.
Stan is taken care of, and he leaves, the pastor comes over with the new guy and says, maybe you can help him? I nod, (like I know what I'm doing, but I don't) and it suddenly dawns on me that this guy was slated for evicition, claiming that he paid his $1600 rent bill but actually didn't. His name is Clarence, I remembered him peeking out of his door way many months ago, eyes dark, to take the envelope I was handing him...a demand for payment or eviction. We didn't talk, but he looked trapped, alone and hunted. Now he was here, waving papers for a court date that my company set up to justify eviction, and asking if we had any food. He was so hungry on so many levels. I looked up, seemed like the pastor disappeared..."Thank GOD!", he was probably thinking. What a wild coincidence that he came in now, not knowing this was my office...he wanted and needed help. The main thing he wanted is food, I searched the church cupboards and they were bare. I assured him that I knew where he lived, that I'd drop off something later for him...his medicated eyes stared at me for a moment, and he held out his huge hand and said thank you. What does a disciple do, I wondered, sit that "Greek" down and say wait here (show whose boss), consult with pastor, phone a food bank, (protocol) and love bomb that guy with another paper with a phone number of somewhere he could go to tomorrow to have a soup and sandwich..."now don't get in trouble!"
I'm saying this because I've done that before, many pastors and well meaning Christians do this all the time, if they happen to be in that space with a truely hungry, medicated, inner city type person. Clarence left with a promise that I'd be by later with something. Remembering the seed dying part of the Scripture, I later hefted a back pack of Zoodles, instant noodles, smokies, soup and carrots..grabbed my house keys and dog and went into the wierd cold rainy weather of Winnipeg. Yuck, just go, you promised. He doesn't live far, I rang his door bell and he came down in his sweats and hairy chest and a half smile...I handed him the soup, he said thanks and made to go up stairs...wait, there's more! Feeling like Santa, I kept handing him bags and cans and packages...what a blast! For one moment and for many more after, I felt like I had bashed through the barrier. That wall that we love bomb over and hope that somebody is helped, or feels like coming to church because of it. I bashed through, and stepped out into the muddy, rainy evening as if nothing happened. And as if Everything had happened
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Oscar Nails It
tOscar Romero wrote,
“It helps, now and then, to step back and take the long view. The Kingdom is not only beyond our efforts: it is beyond our vision. We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is the Lord’s work. Nothing we do is complete, which is another way of saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us. No sermon says all that should be said. No prayer fully expresses our faith. No confession brings perfection. No pastoral visit brings wholeness. No program accomplishes the Church’s mission. No set of goals and objectives includes everything. That is what we are about. We plant the seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted knowing they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that affects far beyond our capabilities. We cannot do everything and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very, very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest. We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the Master Builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future that is not our own.”
Today, this is my focus, to do the little things well and the hard things trust that He will give me faith that its all part of the big picture. I am so glad Oscar decided to do the the little things well, and entrusted the rest to our faithful Creator....in his death, much hope and life was unleashed.
“It helps, now and then, to step back and take the long view. The Kingdom is not only beyond our efforts: it is beyond our vision. We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is the Lord’s work. Nothing we do is complete, which is another way of saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us. No sermon says all that should be said. No prayer fully expresses our faith. No confession brings perfection. No pastoral visit brings wholeness. No program accomplishes the Church’s mission. No set of goals and objectives includes everything. That is what we are about. We plant the seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted knowing they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that affects far beyond our capabilities. We cannot do everything and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very, very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest. We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the Master Builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future that is not our own.”
Today, this is my focus, to do the little things well and the hard things trust that He will give me faith that its all part of the big picture. I am so glad Oscar decided to do the the little things well, and entrusted the rest to our faithful Creator....in his death, much hope and life was unleashed.
Monday, March 23, 2015
Unless a Seed Dies....
I scanned the selection of potluck foods on the table. Some of this curry stuff, some egg salad, a bun with jam on it and two scoops of good look'n chili. I poured some lemonade into a pink plastic cup (that changes to purple with cold liquid in it) and went to sit down next to a few people chatting around a table. Conversations were filling the room, smiles, laughter, nods and smacking lips. The Little Flowers gathering was in full swing this Sunday night.
When we were done eating, we sang a few songs and prayed for each other. Our reading from John 12 was looked at. Gentiles coming to meet with Jesus but Andrew and Philip checking with Jesus. He says something kind of weird, like if a kernel of wheat falls to the ground it dies, it remains a single seed, but if it dies, it produces many seeds. Why would he bring this up, when the point is that there is some "outsiders" wanting to talk to him. Why didn't the disciples just bring them over to Jesus, was there protocol? Maybe there was red tape to seeing the big guy, not just anyone who waltzed over could think he could talk to the Master any ol' time. Andrew and Philp were just doing their duty, right? Make those Greek boys wait over there, maybe we'll let 'em wait for awhile just to let them know whose boss.
So Jesus talks about being glorified, seeds and losing your life to save it. Nothing to do with Greeks, right? But at the end, he says "where I am, my servants are...my Father will honor the one who serves me". The Jews at the time were sure that the Messiah would usher in the new kingdom of God, save them from the boots of the oppressors (aka "outsiders") and put them on the throne to rule all the other kingdoms. The despised to delivered to being in charge, in three easy steps. What is this of dying and seeds and serving? Maybe the Greeks were there to offer their services to Jesus, or wanted to hang out with the man who seemed to be doing some real cool stuff...they wanted in on it too.
Somehow their visit was the catalyst for a conversation that drew in the whole crowd, and even a voice from heaven! This whole topic to me, last night, opened up an understanding. In some kind of spiritual superiority we often tell those who want to come close to Jesus to just chill, wait over there...we'll let you know when its ok to come disturb him. Those who think they know what is going on, are brought up short by what Jesus says...I have come to die and be glorified, you guys don't have the whole picture! People from nations are going to come to serve and die and be glorified with me. Open the gates, men, the welcome extends to all....and in our context that means anyone who wants to meet with Him can and no one should put obstacles in the way to prevent it. Not doctrine, judgement, policies, a type of prayer or program.
What we have done in the name of Jesus is exclude the outsider, and throw love bombs and ethics and morality pamphlets over the wall and when one does actually surrender we welcome them to come be part of the club, and maybe even meet Jesus the club leader, if they are good enough. That is how a lot of evangelism methods are conceived, what is the best love bomb and how can we hook them into what we've got? Jesus would say to this scene, "excuse me", (pushing away the gospel tract cannons and eager 'Love Our City for Jesus' t-shirts)," let's take you, Andy and see if you would go down with me to Langside, to knock on that rooming house door and see how Bill is doing. On the brink of going to jail, girlfriend dumped him and skin itchy from bed bug bites. Hey, let's stop at Timmy's for a double, double for him...I know he'd like that."
Including Bill in grace is glorifying Jesus, but how many disciples are up for that? Or including the young gay evangelical that is torn by his love for Jesus and rejection from the church? Or the alcoholic who plays worship songs and hymns for his buddies but is not allowed to lift up the One he loves at the next door Gospel Hall? I know these are concepts that may cause concern for many who read it. But you know the point? Let those who want to serve me, be with me.....and if a few of those come together in love for the God-man, they will learn and grow and serve and forgive and change.....who knows where it could go? Jesus-ward, I bet. Unless a seed dies.....
When we were done eating, we sang a few songs and prayed for each other. Our reading from John 12 was looked at. Gentiles coming to meet with Jesus but Andrew and Philip checking with Jesus. He says something kind of weird, like if a kernel of wheat falls to the ground it dies, it remains a single seed, but if it dies, it produces many seeds. Why would he bring this up, when the point is that there is some "outsiders" wanting to talk to him. Why didn't the disciples just bring them over to Jesus, was there protocol? Maybe there was red tape to seeing the big guy, not just anyone who waltzed over could think he could talk to the Master any ol' time. Andrew and Philp were just doing their duty, right? Make those Greek boys wait over there, maybe we'll let 'em wait for awhile just to let them know whose boss.
So Jesus talks about being glorified, seeds and losing your life to save it. Nothing to do with Greeks, right? But at the end, he says "where I am, my servants are...my Father will honor the one who serves me". The Jews at the time were sure that the Messiah would usher in the new kingdom of God, save them from the boots of the oppressors (aka "outsiders") and put them on the throne to rule all the other kingdoms. The despised to delivered to being in charge, in three easy steps. What is this of dying and seeds and serving? Maybe the Greeks were there to offer their services to Jesus, or wanted to hang out with the man who seemed to be doing some real cool stuff...they wanted in on it too.
Somehow their visit was the catalyst for a conversation that drew in the whole crowd, and even a voice from heaven! This whole topic to me, last night, opened up an understanding. In some kind of spiritual superiority we often tell those who want to come close to Jesus to just chill, wait over there...we'll let you know when its ok to come disturb him. Those who think they know what is going on, are brought up short by what Jesus says...I have come to die and be glorified, you guys don't have the whole picture! People from nations are going to come to serve and die and be glorified with me. Open the gates, men, the welcome extends to all....and in our context that means anyone who wants to meet with Him can and no one should put obstacles in the way to prevent it. Not doctrine, judgement, policies, a type of prayer or program.
What we have done in the name of Jesus is exclude the outsider, and throw love bombs and ethics and morality pamphlets over the wall and when one does actually surrender we welcome them to come be part of the club, and maybe even meet Jesus the club leader, if they are good enough. That is how a lot of evangelism methods are conceived, what is the best love bomb and how can we hook them into what we've got? Jesus would say to this scene, "excuse me", (pushing away the gospel tract cannons and eager 'Love Our City for Jesus' t-shirts)," let's take you, Andy and see if you would go down with me to Langside, to knock on that rooming house door and see how Bill is doing. On the brink of going to jail, girlfriend dumped him and skin itchy from bed bug bites. Hey, let's stop at Timmy's for a double, double for him...I know he'd like that."
Including Bill in grace is glorifying Jesus, but how many disciples are up for that? Or including the young gay evangelical that is torn by his love for Jesus and rejection from the church? Or the alcoholic who plays worship songs and hymns for his buddies but is not allowed to lift up the One he loves at the next door Gospel Hall? I know these are concepts that may cause concern for many who read it. But you know the point? Let those who want to serve me, be with me.....and if a few of those come together in love for the God-man, they will learn and grow and serve and forgive and change.....who knows where it could go? Jesus-ward, I bet. Unless a seed dies.....
Sunday, January 18, 2015
In Bed With Bruce
This morning (and many mornings since Christmas) I've been snuggling up to Bruce. Warm and inviting, he is not shy with sharing his life with me, stories of his past, struggles, joys and cries of injustice. He is intimate, but holds back just enough that I want to know more, and feel deeply as he does for those he loves and to those who have lost greatly. If you're wondering if I've changed partners lately, no, Steve and I are still deeply involved as husband and wife and snuggle regularly to prove it. I'm talking about Bruce Cockburn's new memoir, "Rumours of Glory" which I received as a Christmas gift from Steve. It seems to have come at a crucial time, as I have been struggling with a spiritual "rummage sale" for about a year now, what goes? What stays? What is my bottom line in life? Questions of addictions, grace, ugliness, waste, violence, loneliness...in me and in my friends, and those I work with. Early morning panic, as I head out the door for another round of bed bug work, hoarding issues and those behind on rent and those who are about to get the boot for fighting another tenant. Will it be alright today, will I be alright? Can I take one more day of questions, with no answers? It eats away at me, at my faith, at all I have believed since I was a little church girl.
Opening the pages of his final chapters this morning, I can see that he has taken all this experience, angst, travel and poetry put into music and summarized a life that feels a little bit like mine. More mystery then answers, more finding light to faze out the darkness, the healing of holding a loving hand then letting the acid of shaking hands with the devil eat our skin away....he says:
"People who maintain a relationship with the Divine - no matter the religion or sect or specified belief system- will bear a special burden. It's the burden of healing that is needed after our poor stewardship of this blessed earth and of each other. Between the dogmatism of fear based fundamentalism and the Battlestar Galactica new-aginess of Hollywood, down there in the cracks, there is room, there is a necessity, for the sharing of real, personal and experiential knowledge of God-of love. That is our mission should we choose to accept it: to get that experience, to be fueled by that love, and to go forth and share whatever insights and inspiration we may have gained, while simultaneously supporting our communities and families in all ways feasible. We don't need to worry about making converts. If we go out there shining with the light of God and brimming with love, it will be noticed. A door will be opened for the spirit to walk through."
There is room, there is a necessity....down there in the cracks. I am still mucking about in the cracks, my cry for relief and healing for the deep pain I discover there, hopefully is making it up to the Divine. I know one thing, it is changing me down to the core, and I wait in the darkness for the answer of love to trickle into my deep place and onto our dry and dusty planet.
Opening the pages of his final chapters this morning, I can see that he has taken all this experience, angst, travel and poetry put into music and summarized a life that feels a little bit like mine. More mystery then answers, more finding light to faze out the darkness, the healing of holding a loving hand then letting the acid of shaking hands with the devil eat our skin away....he says:
"People who maintain a relationship with the Divine - no matter the religion or sect or specified belief system- will bear a special burden. It's the burden of healing that is needed after our poor stewardship of this blessed earth and of each other. Between the dogmatism of fear based fundamentalism and the Battlestar Galactica new-aginess of Hollywood, down there in the cracks, there is room, there is a necessity, for the sharing of real, personal and experiential knowledge of God-of love. That is our mission should we choose to accept it: to get that experience, to be fueled by that love, and to go forth and share whatever insights and inspiration we may have gained, while simultaneously supporting our communities and families in all ways feasible. We don't need to worry about making converts. If we go out there shining with the light of God and brimming with love, it will be noticed. A door will be opened for the spirit to walk through."
There is room, there is a necessity....down there in the cracks. I am still mucking about in the cracks, my cry for relief and healing for the deep pain I discover there, hopefully is making it up to the Divine. I know one thing, it is changing me down to the core, and I wait in the darkness for the answer of love to trickle into my deep place and onto our dry and dusty planet.
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