Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell's confinement
calmly, cheerfully, firmly
like a Squire from his country house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
freely and friendly and clearly,
as though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
equably, smilingly, proudly,
like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick like a bird in a cage,
struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat,
yearning for colours, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
tossing in expectation of great events,
powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
faint, and ready to say farewell to it all.
Who am I? This or the Other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
and before myself a contemptible woeboegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army
fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine!
dietrich bonhoeffer--tegel prison--1944
Friday, September 16, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Discipleship for Dummies
On the cover of the book the face is passive and almost looks stern. Full lips, round wire-rimmed glasses with eyes that are firmly fixed foward, as if seeing a hard future. Hard it was, the story of one man who stood and with humility conquered the evil of a madman. Dietrich Bonhoeffer vs. Hilter of the Third Riech. An exercise of dangerous, risky, Christ following in the wake of the most horrendous agenda in history. I recently finished the HUGE biography (541 pages) and through snickers, hard thinking and tears felt like I had gone back in time and become friends with this incredible teacher and disciple. His passion was for each Christian and especially Christian leaders to come under the yoke of Christ, to learn of Him the practical theology and love for the world, for people. To learn "when Christ calls a man, he bids him to come and die" (taken from one of his books, The Cost of Discipleship).
"To come and die"...ouch. That led Dietrich to the gallows, with 4,999 of his fellow conspirators who for 10 years had worked hard to assisinate that madman. The guy that led a Sunday School for inner-city kids that no one would touch and turned it around to the best attended event for these kids in their week. The guy who loved writing alone in his wilderness cottage, who patiently took his Bible College students for walks and talks and hikes and showed them a practical Christianity that fell in love with people and offered truth and courage. The German guy who found Jesus in a black church in Harlem and fought racism in his home country. The guy who, in conviction of his hate for injustice and love for the Jews, become a double agent and plotted Hitlers demise and ended up in jail. This man who, when the Allies started bombing Berlin, got in a rickety van with sixteen other prisoners and thier luggage. Hundreds of miles later and three days before the camps were in Allies hands, hung on a gallows with peace and prayer on his lips.
Do we know of this kind of Jesus disciple in our Crispy Chip Christianity today? He was pressed, he made decisions, he prayed, he taught, he argued, the world was falling in around his shoulders, he despaired and yet he chose what God called him to do. The Christian church at that time opened their arms to their political saviour, Adolf Hilter. Only a few knew his real agenda, his deep evil puposes. No one could guess that many Christians were Hilter's arms and legs and voice that massacred millions and plunged Germany into a shame that would last generations. Lulled into pride, false theology, an illusion of security and rightness....this smacks of our Christian world today while the world falls around our shoulders and we (I) remain numb and distracted. Dummies that you could take for a car ride and they would bounce all over the car if it crashed. The Jesus disciple that our Father is calling us to be is one that is called out to die....there are many ways of dying, but may it be with the name of Christ on our lips and a steady hand out to the proud, the bruised, the empty. That is Nachfolge, The Cost of Discipleship.
"To come and die"...ouch. That led Dietrich to the gallows, with 4,999 of his fellow conspirators who for 10 years had worked hard to assisinate that madman. The guy that led a Sunday School for inner-city kids that no one would touch and turned it around to the best attended event for these kids in their week. The guy who loved writing alone in his wilderness cottage, who patiently took his Bible College students for walks and talks and hikes and showed them a practical Christianity that fell in love with people and offered truth and courage. The German guy who found Jesus in a black church in Harlem and fought racism in his home country. The guy who, in conviction of his hate for injustice and love for the Jews, become a double agent and plotted Hitlers demise and ended up in jail. This man who, when the Allies started bombing Berlin, got in a rickety van with sixteen other prisoners and thier luggage. Hundreds of miles later and three days before the camps were in Allies hands, hung on a gallows with peace and prayer on his lips.
Do we know of this kind of Jesus disciple in our Crispy Chip Christianity today? He was pressed, he made decisions, he prayed, he taught, he argued, the world was falling in around his shoulders, he despaired and yet he chose what God called him to do. The Christian church at that time opened their arms to their political saviour, Adolf Hilter. Only a few knew his real agenda, his deep evil puposes. No one could guess that many Christians were Hilter's arms and legs and voice that massacred millions and plunged Germany into a shame that would last generations. Lulled into pride, false theology, an illusion of security and rightness....this smacks of our Christian world today while the world falls around our shoulders and we (I) remain numb and distracted. Dummies that you could take for a car ride and they would bounce all over the car if it crashed. The Jesus disciple that our Father is calling us to be is one that is called out to die....there are many ways of dying, but may it be with the name of Christ on our lips and a steady hand out to the proud, the bruised, the empty. That is Nachfolge, The Cost of Discipleship.
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