For Christine

     I walked to church this morning in a strange frame of mind.  I was swirling with ideas, a kind of anger, that was trying to pinpoint the often lethargic or dismissive attitude we have towards to poor, the prisoner, the mentally ill, those who just can't hold a job and end up on welfare or disablity.  A friend had been sharing that for him, he often has to choose between rent and food.  Many of those in his boarding house have to make that choice too.  Yet he is so generous, so kind to kids, he will spend his last tooney on a neighborhood kid to buy a Slurpee or a pair of suspenders at a thrift store to hold up the pants of a guy he knows who doesn't have a belt.  Anyways, I wanted to challenge our church this morning, in sharing time, and read a portion of Jean Vanier's chapter called "Two Worlds" which I had in my bag along with me.  I never got the chance.
     Up ahead, there was an ambulance and fire truck in front of our low-income housing building (we own the two beside our little store front church).  I have been working for New Life Ministries and in these buildings since April as pest control co-ordinator and tenant relations.  "Which tenant was it that was in trouble?"  I wondered.  I ran in looking for the parametics and my heart sunk when I saw them in front of our friends place.  My 2 church friends were in the hallway, they said Christine was in trouble....had fell, and stopped breathing.  We prayed and I made my way inside their apartment.  Albert (her husband) was in distress, Christine was surrounded by the medical team, I couldn't believe it.  My Sunday morning church was turning into a crisis situation..  They tried to revive her, took her to the hospital where she died and we were left, after the sermon, stunned...Albert came back and stood grieving while a line-up of friends formed to give him hugs, share the tears and leave with pale shocked faces.
     Christine will never be back to church, she will never hold another baby or brighten the eyes of our kids with her smile and questions.  She will not have to go for her hip surgery, or worry about her weight, or sneak another cookie at potluck when Albert isn't looking.  She won't have to dream about her crazy childhood, abuse as a young woman but she will hold her own child in her arms....the one that was still born so many years ago.
     This couple has faced so much together, they decided to stick it out, to fish together, love their extended families, share the same things at sharing time at church and hold out a hand to those in the apartment block.  She is not famous, and didn't know her Bible very well...but she knew love and how to dish it out.

What I was going to read this morning, expresses how I have changed by knowing Christine and the many Christines and Alberts in our neighborhood....read it slowly and see if you have room to change too:

"But if I get too near this woman
       if I listen to her
      if I begin to know the names of her children
                                                         her past
                                                         her life
                         If I identify with her
I can't go on eating as I used to
I can't accept the luxury and the waste

If I truly love
if I feel concerned
my life must change

My life must change
the life I have built for myself
must be destroyed
must be completely changed

the time I get up and go to bed
the friends I like to talk with
                           go out with
                          eat with in smart restaurants
the books I read
the money I have to spend

If I enter the world of touch
               the world of tender compassion
               the world of the prisoner, the handicapped, the hungry
my whole way of life in danger of falling apart
I am in danger of entering a world of insecurity

If I become truly open
                           open to the sufferings of others
my life will change
I will change
It's too much
I'm afraid.